My husband, Russ didn’t want to deliver Our Precious Miracle Lillirose but he almost did.
I decided I wanted to do most of work of delivering of our “Rainbow Baby” at home and then proceed to the hospital for the actual birth. No anesthetics this time around…completely natural.
Unfortunately, I was hospitalized at 23 weeks for Pre-Term Labor; Lillirose was trying to leave Mommy’s oven too early. It wasn’t time. It wasn’t anywhere near time! We needed THE Baker to keep her in Mommy’s oven. She needed more time to bake. They gave me some medications which stopped my labor and discharged me. I was encouraged to stay off my feet, rest and wait. Contracting, resting (or trying to), waiting….hoping….praying…and every day, every week we checked off the calendar we were one step closer to the safe zone. 34 weeks here we come! We kept asking our OB Doc, How will we know when it’s time? I had already delivered two babies and I wasn’t even sure I would know when it was time. I contracted everyday for over 14 weeks. I had been in and out of Labor and Delivery so many times, in the weeks to follow I became familiar with almost all the Labor and Delivery Nurses on the day and night shift. I saw my Dr. weekly and she kept a close eye on us. I think all this made my Beloved Russ even more anxious. He just kept saying, “I don’t want to deliver Lillirose myself, please make sure you give us time to get to the hospital.”
November 4, 2015 was her due date….no way she bake that long. I knew when she came out of the oven we would all be surprised. The ingredients were filled with layers of flavor. We just followed the directions.
For my 43rd birthday, Russ and Abby went to a local jewelry store. Abby became The Baker’s Assistant that day. Russ gravitated to a heart pendant. Abby went the other direction, to another jewelry case pointed and said, “Mommy has to have this one Daddy. It looks like Heaven with the blue and it has diamonds, that’s her birthstone. She needs this one.” Russ tried to show Abby others but she was adamant and was following HIS direction. I opened my gift and the pendant took my breath away.
I never had an opal before but Abby was right, I loved it. After receiving it, I had an ultrasound appt. The Dr. said, “I LOVE your necklace. I’ve always wanted an opal. Is your birthday in October?” October???? No. The month of October was significant but left a very bittersweet taste in our mouths. As we left the appointment, I immediately googled October’s birthstone and found two birthstones listed for the month of October, a pink peridot and an opal. (Birthstones mean a lot to us. I wear Sophie’s birthstone all the time.) I said to Russ, “Would that be aaaaaaahhhhmazing if Lillirose was born in October?” I hadn’t really even considered the possibility but the ingredients were being mixed and the time has been set. The Baker is the business of making all things beautifully new.
Months passed; YAY! July, August, September…both Abby and Sophie were born at 38 weeks on the dot. October 21… was 38 weeks on the dot. Would I make it that far? In my condition????
Thankful….37 weeks arrived….October 14, 2014!!! This date takes my breath away every year. It’s the day Sophie’s open heart surgery took place, 5 years prior. It’s almost impossible not to relive those hours, those emotions, going back in time. The emotions of the past and the physical pain of the present was almost too much for this Momma to bare. Everyday was like running a marathon, deep cleansing breaths, breathe. I had my usual weekly OB check. I was contracting as always, but with no cervical change. I began to cry, saying “I don’t know how much longer I can keep contracting like this. I’m exhausted, hurting and concerned when the time comes I won’t have enough strength to deliver.” I couldn’t even fathom, but WITH GOD…..Just Believe….
Russ and Abby kept a close eye on us asking “Is it time?” The intensity of my contractions were increasing as the weeks passed, how would I know the different between the early stage of labor which I had been experiencing for months and true active labor??? My OB told me I would know. She told me the contractions would be so intense (more intense really??) I wouldn’t be able to walk or talk.
At 3:00 am October 16th, I got up to potty. Russ stirred. (He gets up for work at 4:00 am.) I couldn’t get comfortable, not unusual. Russ said, “You ok??? is it time??” “umm not sure. I’m ok. just can’t get comfortable.” I said. I was talking and walking, but something felt different… I started last minute nesting getting ready to leave the house, but in my mind we had hours until delivery. Russ dozed back off to sleep. At 3:50 am I told Russ to get up, have coffee and breakfast. The buzzer was sounding; Our Babycakes was done! It was time….time…. to get ready to go, time…. to take Abby to Grammy’s house, time…to enter into redemption..time….for Lillirose to come out……TIME!!! I was planning for us all to leave around 7:00 am. At 4:45 am I told Russ we had to leave, NOW….there was blood, I knew some blood was expected but this was too much blood….fear flooded me. We had to go!
We called Grammy, she hopped in her car to come be with Abby. We hopped in our car to get to the hospital. I was still walking and talking; was this true labor?? The blood was the ingredient I didn’t like. It prompted me to move quickly! In the car I could only scream one thing, “In JESUS NAME!” I kept repeating it all the way to the hospital. In Jesus name… protect our unborn child, In Jesus name….stop the fear and the blood, In Jesus name…help us! We left at 5:10 am, 20 mins later we arrived at the Hospital. Nurses swarmed. No Drs were present. Dilated to 8 cms, the nurses said, “Kimi, lets have this baby! It’s all going to be fine!” All ingredients were normal! I just hadn’t come face to face with them in my other “little cakes.” Bake time complete! Tears of joy!! I needed help taking her out! “In Jesus Name!!” Everyone in Labor and Delivery heard my cries. Grace descended, supernatural strength came. Russ had to run down to move the car from the Emergency (No Parking) Entrance and nearly missed Lillirose’s debut. Exactly 16 mins later at 5:46 am Lillirose Hope was born! I’m pretty sure it takes longer to bake a potato! Cakes can be tricky.
The time of year and all of the ingredients; 5 years prior we had lost Sophie. Between the hope of wanting Sophie’s open heart surgery to work on October 14, 2009 and the horror of uplugging the machines on October 18, 2009, sat October 16, 2014, 5 years later! In the sunken dry space, LIFE exploded, redemption happened, love, joy and restoration filled our hearts.
16 mins… on October 16, 2014, the ingredients of our family transformed, forever! I had to look up the Biblical significance of the number 16, since there are no unusable ingedients. The Baker uses every single one and this final one had to be relevant….and it was….The number 16 = LOVE! Hope in the flesh. LOVE was born!!! Extraordinarily delicious!
Beautiful………both our God, you and ALL of our daughters!
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I cried out to you, O LORD. I begged the Lord for mercy, saying, “What will you gain if I die, if I sink into the grave? Can my dust praise you? Can it tell of your faithfulness? Hear me, Lord, and have mercy on me. Help me, O LORD.”
You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I MIGHT SING PRAISES TO YOU and NOT BE SILENT. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever!
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