Regret: (emotion) an intelligent or emotional dislike for personal past acts and behaviors.
Regret, like a prowling lion seeking whom it may devour in our family this past Christmas season 2011.
It caused us to question every nugget of eternal truth we have hidden in our hearts. Everything that has brought us comfort and peace was under siege. Regret’s questions came knocking on the all the doors of our hearts. What if? Why? Why didn’t we? What about that? If only, I wish I would have…. All of us under the attacks of this unwanted predator regarding our precious Sophie.
This deadly assault ravaged the tender heart of our precious 7 yr old Abigail, the most. The constant prowling and pounding on the door of her sensitive grief stained heart was excruciating. Regret is difficult for any person to battle (we all have them and there is an element of responsiblity and truth in each one) but, for the constant assault to be waged very strategically on a child! our precious Abigial ….was just about more than this Mama could bare.
As Abby cradled Sophie’s most precious Christmas ornaments, an eternal living hope, spoke in truthful whispers.
I am always surrounding you, my Ab. I am glorified and healed. I am alive. I am not lost. I am not gone. Sisters are forever. I have no need of rest in heaven. We will be together again. I love you. Our relationship continues. The Father allows me to communicate with you through the heavenly-veil, remember our butterflies!
These precious whispers were accompanied with a fierce ROAR of darkness; it was attempting to extinguish the Truth and Light.
We prayed, waited, watched and listened as Abby continued to reach towards heaven and all its surrounding promises. Russ and I continued to remind Abby of the most important eternal truths that have become water to our souls; hope, heaven, love, joy, treasures, alive and forever. However, we needed God to whisper personally into Abby’s heart and bring to life every truth we knew Abby held dear, therefore silencing the predator of regret.
Christmas had passed, we packed our precious family ornaments and rang in the New Year of 2012. Hopeful, expectant and knowing in an instant this battle could end, healing could begin and regret would flea!
And as it were, God was near, rapidly working all things together, wasting nothing;
January 11, 2012
Russ and I tucked Abby in bed. We read a devotion together, here is part of that excerpt
Jesus told us that we should be generous with other people, but sometimes we don’t feel much like sharing. Instead the things that we have, we want to keep them all to ourselves. But God doesn’t want selfishness to rule our hearts; He wants us to be generous.
Unbeknownst to Russ and I as we concluded regret came pounding on the door of Abby’s tender heart. Suddenly, tears began streaming down her face,
“I didn’t share with Sophie. I didn’t know she was going to heaven, I didn’t want her to go. I didn’t share with her while she was here.”
an outpouring of regret…
Wide-eyed, I bit my lower lip to keep it from trembling, tears accumulated, my breath left me. I couldn’t speak. (Oh dear God! This is what she remembers? a fleeting moment of their time together? torture for Abby’s tender heart)
Russ, (the other half of my heart) very gently and calming spoke, “Abby, you are a wonderful big sister, the best. Sometimes, we don’t share when we are little. We have to learn how to do it. You are the perfect big sister for Sophie.” Abby looked at her father and said, “really?” He nodded and said, “and you know what Sophie would say?” Abby shrugged. “It’s ok Ab. it’s ok.” Upon hearing these words, exhausted from battling, Abigail collapsed into her father’s arms sobbing. Hearing, “It’s ok Ab. it’s ok,” words of forgiveness that Sophie would extend to her without hesitation in conjunction with the breath of God; freed Abby! Regret fled, questions dissolved and Abby fell deeply asleep, peace.
God wanted to highlight this moment of life giving freedom; exceedingly and abundantly for Abigail. He wanted eternal living and restoration to manifest itself to Abby in a tangible way. God wanted Abby to know her relationship with Sophie is different but, it continues in extraordinary ways; indestructible, incorruptible and forever.
So….4 nights later
January 15, 2012
Russ tucked Abby in bed. She said with utter confidence, “You tell me about any dreams you have about Sophie and I will tell you mine.
“Interesting Russ thought and noted…..not “If” but “When.”
That following night,
January 17, 2012
I woke Abby for school. She proceeded to tell me of a dream she had of Sophie that night.
I was at the dance studio with Samantha. We were working on stuff. Both of us, kept seeing bright twinkling lights shinning around the room. The light began to makes letters and spell, S O P H I E.
And then… I SAW Sophie, she was there dancing with us!
Then she gave me a hug!
“and I felt her physical body! I felt her physical body!!!!!” Abby squealed with excitement.
A personal visit from Sophie, in Abby’s dream! I cradled Abby in my arms and began to thank God for replacing regret with truth of every eternal whisper!
The truth is Abigail spent every moment of her time patiently teaching Sophie each one of her dance recital routines; while Sophie was on the earth. The precious gift they shared helped Sophie refocus her mind off the pain that Williams Syndrome caused her on earth. It united two sisters together before the Throne of God!
They continue to present their gifts of worship to God together, Abby’s dream confirmed it. One sister dances on earth and one in heaven, always together; bound by His promises, forever!